idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
