yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize