is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
