Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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