He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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