Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
