I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
