ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
