I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
