Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
