Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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