yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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