i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
