Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
