i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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