my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
