Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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