Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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