While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize