I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
