I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
