if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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