I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
