billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
