im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think my fart just growled at me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
