God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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