I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
