this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize