I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
