Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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