Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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