who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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