i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
