She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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