woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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