I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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