Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
