just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
