I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he just fucked me for my cheese..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
