come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
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