If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize