No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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