We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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