This girl is more easily done than said...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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