You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
