so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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