my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
