ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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