Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
what day is it and did you see me today?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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