Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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