I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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