its not stalking. its research.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
