omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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