i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
