His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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