I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
