Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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