College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
should my penis look like a turkey
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
