as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
