So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize