drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
