Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
